Be still and know that I am God...Psalm 46:10a

Day 76


Last fall, Karate Kid left me contemplating. I heard one sentence at a higher volume than all the others,  like God paused the flick just for me and said,  'Gwen- this is truth, pay attention.'  The movie kept on rolling, but that sentence has replayed over and over in my mind ever since.


Being still and doing nothing are two very different things."


Even months before Johnny deployed, I’ve sensed God, reminding me to be still. Yet, the most popular advice I ever hear given to a newly deployed spouse is "Keep Busy, the time will go faster." Every time I hear that phrase a red flag goes up in my heart, or maybe it's a red light. I don't wanna zoom through this year. I don't wanna be going so fast I don't notice what God is doing. I've seen friends crash and burn as they race from one thing to the next, never stopping to pause and deal with how the absence of their man has really made them feel, how it's really affecting them, and their children. I have caught myself falling into that speed trap a few times this summer too. I've come close to running out of gas, physically and emotionally, more than once.


Some days I do just need to STOP. Just pull over to the rest area and take my time. Or take the scenic route instead of rushing to the next destination as quickly as possible.  Sometimes I must say no, even to good things. I've learned to go bed earlier because I know I personally need physical rest. My favorite way to be still is to sit alone in the early morning with God on my breezy front porch, in His Word, or perhaps crying out to Him. Many days, I just need to be quiet and listen for His still small voice in the midst of the grind of life.


And yet I recognize that, like Mr. Han so simply states, being still is not necessarily doing nothing. Not just hiding out with the blinds pulled, avoiding phone calls and cancelling all appointments (yes, I have felt like that a few times lately.)

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This summer, there were some things that have had to happen. And this fall will not be much different as far as my calendar goes. Hopefully I can get the schedule completely cleared for more than one day a week. But, whether I do or not, can I be still in the midst of doing what I need to do? Can I be productive and be still at the same time? Is being still just as much about my feelings and thoughts, my perspective on life,what's going on in my soul, and how I respond, as it is about what I'm physically doing? Can I experience peace even with soccer practices 4 times a week, an orthodontist appointment, and an FRG meeting in the middle of the day? Can my answers be gentle and quiet even when the frustration level is starting to go through the roof? Am I willing to breathe prayers when I get unexpected bad news, realizing that although it is a surprise to me, God has known all along, never left my side, is still in control, and can use it for good?


I believe there's a tension, a sort of balance, perhaps a paradox of sorts. Being still does require a quietness- at times in the physical body. After all, God did command us to rest. But I'm learning that there's a way to be still even when I'm working, even when we're having fun. It's a stillness of spirit. The knowledge and acknowledgement of who God is and what He can do. A peace in trusting Him in the midst of busy-ness that I didn't choose, but that I find myself in.


I've not gotten it all figured out, but I know that if His Word says to do it, then I can, and I want to. I will not purposefully be busy, but when busy sneaks up, I will choose to be still, and know that He is God.