Therefore, since the promise of entering his rest still stands, let us be careful that none of you be found to have fallen short of it. Hebrews 4:1

Day 7

 Yesterday was blah. I felt sick. Going to chapel without Johnny just doesn’t seem the same. I didn’t even sit in our normal pew.  Fellow military folks understand, but it doesn’t make it any better. There’s mostly couples and families. Doing the things I normally do with Johnny without him is a constant reminder  that we are only at the very beginning of a year of this new way of life. I don’t want attention, and I don’t want to be treated special, maybe I will get used to this. I doubt it.

I did take my “normal” Sunday nap, and did not do any housework. A day off. It was easy since I haven’t been getting as much sleep as I need. Slept so soundly that I almost missed a call from my man. So thankful that Kara woke me up in time hear his voice. Technology is better than we expected it would be. So far I have heard from him one way or another at least once a day, if not more. Haven’t seen his face yet, except in a still picture. I miss looking into his eyes. I miss noticing how fast his hair grows out.  Ah, those dimples when he smiles. We are one of those unusual couples who share the same love languages. Physical touch is primary for both of us, second is quality time. We will get neither. No wonder deployment feels like moving to another country. Guess it’s time to learn a foreign language.

Memorial Day.  We celebrated with other army families.  Yummy  food, good conversations and hours in the sun, playing in the pool- for the kids at least. I enjoyed sitting in the quiet shade watching them. It made the day go quickly. I can’t explain how that invitation blessed me. We didn’t sit at home remembering alone. My heart is so sad for the women who found out just yesterday that their men are not coming home. Don’t even want to think about it. Can’t dwell on those possibilities. May God give those young widows an extra dose of grace. Those children His comfort. May He surround them with His unfailing love.

Revelation came today. I was pondering the Israelites and the way they missed God’s rest.  They looked at the Land that God had promised them, a land flowing with milk and honey, and only two of them saw beyond the giants. The rest were afraid, unbelieving. They were stuck in their tracks, unwilling to fight for what was theirs, even with God’s help and blessing. Because of that, they suffered (and their families), for forty years , wandering in the wilderness. They wasted time. They never got there.

Parts of this month, and this last week, have felt like times in the wilderness. I know God’s promises. I know He has good plans for us.  I know He is with me, and for me. But when I have looked ahead, I have seen the giant obstacles in front of me. It’s true. Doing this year is not all fun and games, not super easy. I see giants of Loneliness. Fear. The Unknown even.

I could choose to see those giants and say that I can’t do it, that I wanna go back. But then I take the chance of wandering this whole year, suffering, missing out on what God has for me, for my family. Missing the rest He has for me. Missing my promised land here on earth, while Johnny is deployed.  His Kingdom Come, His will be done. Or I can be full of faith like Caleb and Joshua, and see beyond the giants.  Like Caleb, I can silence the doubts and know that this is doable. No more grumbling. Just getting on my face in His Presence like Moses and Aaron and crying out to Him. Remembering all that He has already done to get us this far and trusting that He is leading us on this journey, that He is writing this story. He knows the end from the beginning, even when I don’t. Lord help me to see tomorrow with faith, and the next day.  Give me Your perspective of my giants. I know that You are bigger, that You are able. More than I could ask for or imagine.  I don’t want to waste this year, I yearn to enter that Rest and stop wandering, thru You Jesus.