Night 3
I should be in bed, my schedule’s out of whack. Probably still avoiding the empty bed a little. Today was decent. The only time I teared up was when we were picking out Father’s Day cards.
There was a sense of normal. The kids had dentist appointments, no cavities! Then a trip to the store, needed to get out of the house for a bit. That was enough, Ready to be back home. I guess maybe I’m a little restless. Not sure what I want. My emotions are subdued, but I still feel somewhat out of sorts.
The mailman surprised me with a package and a card, both from fellow army wife friends who’ve moved on to other stations. Friends who are more like sisters. It’s wild , and so so gracious of God, how I could live close to someone for just a year, maybe two, and feel like they know me as well or better than many of the peeps who have known me all my life. That’s how army life can be, if you let it.
Got a quick email this evening. Johnny arrived safely. Thank You Jesus. It’s hard to believe he’s half way around the world. He’s where he’s gonna be for the next year. But his stuff’s all here. Like he could walk in anytime. A closet full of clothes. His shoes by the door. Towel on the rack. His bar of soap in the bathtub. That half drunk Gatorade is still in the fridge, and so is the special strawberry topping that only he eats. I keep making enough coffee for both of us. There’s an empty spot at the table. Dinner time is definitely not the same. I really don’t think it can be. Little reminders are everywhere -my man is not here.
Sipped coffee around the table with the neighbors, I will miss living out here. Then I spent the evening out with some girlfriends. Dinner and some grown up talk does a body good. I enjoyed it. I’m thankful to get my mind off of what I keep thinking of. Although I do have to fight the twinge of guilt that sneeks up when I remember where my man is. I don’t think he would want me to feel guilty. Why is it weird to feel happy?
Today, I don’t really even know what to pray. I know I’m desperate for God. That I need Him is an understatement. He’s who’s holding me together. I know I’m thankful for my hubby and my shiny teethed children, for sisterfriends , old and new. I’m anchored. I’m secure. I’m firm in Him. I don’t have to ask Him anything today. He knows what I need. He just wants me to come, and be. With Him. And that’s where I am. That’s what I need.
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