The end of Day 2
More than survive, we’re gonna thrive. Made it through two whole days. Some of the hours have really gone slowly. Got to hear his voice today, a couple times. Savored those minutes. I know I’ll hear it some while he’s gone, although they say the communication capabilities will grow less and less as times go on. It’s not gonna be like the last deployment we experienced, not as good as far as talking goes. Still, I’m thankful we live in such a time as this. I have a real respect for those who lived through the earlier wars. We really have nothing to complain about.
Our second move (without my man) in less than a year, is coming quickly. Johnny and I chose this one. It’ll be easier than the last. And once we’re settled, life will be a little simpler. We don’t have to say goodbye this time. Last summers’ farewells are still fresh enough. It’s hard to believe it has been almost a whole YEAR since God replanted us here- which is nice to think, because maybe next May I will be thinking the same thing.
As I take down the curtains and the artwork, leaving the bare walls to patch, I sense God is doing a similar thing in my soul. Like He’s whispering to me while I wash off the scuffs. He’s saying something when I empty off those shelves and purge stuff we don’t need or use. Some kind of work in me. He’s cleaning out. He’s stripping stuff away. Like a parallel in the physical and the spiritual, that I don’t exactly have words for yet. It’s about time to reorganize, to change stuff around. Maybe some new priorities? Redecorating! I don’t know what the new “place” is gonna look like completely. I have some ideas. It will definitely include some of the things I’ve acquired over the years. But it’s time to give up some junk too, get rid of clutter. Simplification. Time to make room for better things. . I’m not sure exactly what it all means, but I’m getting excited.
New strength. I could feel it rising in me as the day went on. Some hope. A bigger realization that I can do this, through Christ. His power available to me, waiting to be accessed, but also already at work. His power made perfect in my weakness. Sounds crazy, but it’s truth. God’s Word does not return void. I don’t know how He does it, but He does. It’s part of who He is. A Healer. The Healer. He can heal our hearts, even our minds, if we let Him. Just like He heals our bodies. It takes time. Sometimes longer than others. One morning the sore is still kinda raw, You try not to think about it, but an accidental bump makes it sting and reminds you it’s there. And then when you’re getting into bed that night, or maybe a few nights later, you realize, it’s not just scabbing over, it’s starting to go away. There’s a scar, but no pain.
I don’t mean that I don’t miss my hubby anymore. I DO- more than I can explain with words. And it still hurts. But the sting of him leaving does not feel the same way it did 48 hours ago. I’m not gonna stop missing him, no matter how long he’s gone. I love him too much for that, he’s part of who I am. But the rawness of reality has already started to scab over. My emotions are no longer ruling my heart. They’re still there, but I’m not letting them be in charge anymore. God made me a girl who feels deeply, and that is a good thing, it’s not a mistake. But He also created me as a daughter who understands her Daddy has planned His best for her. If this is what He has chosen, then I’m trusting it’s what’s best for me, even when it hurts. I’ll work with these emotions while I keep my gaze on Him. He’s binding up my broken heart. He’s not gonna let me sink. This story is not over, this chapter’s just getting started.
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